You All Grow Up and Leave Me

Finished December 31

You All Grow Up and Leave Me: A Memoir of Teenage Obsession by Piper Weiss

This memoir is about Piper's relationship with a tennis coach, Gary Wilensky, who, when she was fourteen, attacked a former student and then later killed himself. As Piper works through her emotions around the man she liked and trusted, she looks at him as well. 

Piper was a private school student, a girl shorter than her peers, who found tennis an activity she could be special in. Gary was a sought after instructor, with a personality that was engaging. He made his teen students feel special, taking them to dinner and buying them presents. He treated them as peers. 

When one of his students felt that something was off and told her mother, she stopped taking lessons from him, and that triggered something in him. He had a plan, but he was also panicking in the moment of action, and that led to mistakes that led to him aborting his plan and finding himself with no way out. 

This is a sad story, a story of questions that don't all have answers. The author also has issues and wonders why this is a story that she still cares about years later. As a journalist, she's done her research, interviewed who she could, and been open about her own story, leaving me sad for her as well. 

The title comes from a conversation she had near the end of her time with Gary when he said this and she promised that she wouldn't, that she'd be there for him, and perhaps this is her way of keeping that promise. 

X + Y

Finished December 31

X + Y: A Mathematician's Manifesto for Rethinking Gender by Eugenia Cheng

I was looking for a book to help meet a reading challenge and came across this book which got me thinking about many things in different ways. The author is a mathematician and an artist. She teaches mathematics at the School of the Art Institute in Chicago. In her career, and in other aspects of her life, she has encountered sexism and racism. She has thought a lot about this and how often gender issues are substituted for behaviour issues. She outlines how our society favours more aggressive, competitive, individualistic behaviour, and about how that behaviour has come to be seen as masculine. 

She has come up with new descriptors for this issue around behaviour that take the gender out of the discussion, eliminating one red herring to change. She describes two behaviour types as ingressive and congressive, where ingressive is the current valued type of behaviour that values competition, winners, contests, and individual success. The other type of behaviour, congressive, values understanding, sharing, working together, collaboration, and societal success. She makes a great argument for this new set of descriptors and how using them and thinking of them more in the behavioural sense and not tying them to gender norms can overcome not only gender bias, but also other biases in our society that favour the status quo. 

I found myself easily understanding her descriptions of category theory mathematics (I was a math major in my first year of university) and seeing how it applies to this idea of behavioural categories. She advocates gradual change, using congressive approaches and responses to replace ingressive or passive ones, and finding a way forward that will benefit not only society as a whole, but individuals more broadly as well. 

This is a fascinating book that needs to be read by more people and have them seriously consider her suggestions. 

Cosy Nook Book Box December

 I received this book a few weeks ago, but forgot to post about it then. This book box subscription includes a book, some snacks and other fun items.

Upon opening the box, I first saw the card for the Give a Book campaign, and a fun reindeer sticker.

Opening the paper gave me a first glimpse of some of the items from socks to edibles. 

Here are the edibles: 

They include a Tim Hortons tea bag (peppermint flavour), some Cadbury mini eggs (something I'd never eaten before), a small Toblerone bar, and an instant cappuccino. 

I next looked at the wearable items:

Here are those fun watermelon inspired socks I saw when I first opened the paper, and a toque that coordinates with the winter clothing items from the November box. I found the toque VERY stretchy, so it would fit any size head. 

There are a couple of cosmetic items:

These are a face mask and a lip mask. Hydrating IS important!

There was a small craft to make a simple Christmas ornament:

And some other nice items: 

The reindeer stick I saw at first was joined by a couple of other cute stickers, a coaster with a holiday theme, and a glass mug perfect for those hot mulled beverages. 

The book was also Christmas themed. 

King of the North Wind

Finished December 28

King of the North Wind: The Life of Henry II in Five Acts by Claudia Gold

This biography shows in-depth research and flows well. It is set out chronologically, and as the subtitle indicates in five sections: The Bargain, Triumph, Pariah, Rebellion, and Nemesis. The book starts with a number of maps: one of the crusader states circa 1150, Britain and Ireland circa 1150, France circa 1150, Henry II's empire circa 1170, and a map showing the Great Revolt of 1173-74. This is followed by family trees: the English succession; the issue of Henry II, the Capetian family; the relationship between Louis VII and Eleanor of Aquitaine, and the relationship between Henry II and Eleanor of Aquitaine. These last two are important because of Eleanor's marriages to the two kings and the reason of consanguinity that was used for the annulment of her marriage to Louis. 

This is follows by a list of the people who appear in the biography, which can be helpful as there are rather a lot of them. There are two sections of plates in the book and a timeline at the end of the narrative. There is also an extensive bibliography. 

In the early years, Henry vied against his uncle Stephen for the throne, and was supported heavily by his mother Matilda. Henry was educated for kingship and power, but he had to fight for it. He started great reforms in England that continued after his death as set the rule of law that exists today. He was a patron of the arts and encouraged cultural achievements. But there were dark sides to his reign such as the murder of Thomas Becket, a deed that took Henry a decade and much diplomacy to recover from. He also failed to educate his sons in the same way that he himself had been educated and thus they were ill-prepared for ruling. His mistrust of their skill also influenced this and led to a series of rebellions from his own children, many supported by his rival in France. His reign ended with his worst and saddest years, when he lost the support of all his legitimate sons, and found himself kneeling to the king of France as overlord for some of his lands. 

As the book states, this is a tragic life, but one full of ups and downs. A life of a man who was intelligent, educated, and savvy, but perhaps too confident in the end. A fascinating read.

Whiteout

Finished December 23

Whiteout by Dhonielle Clayton, Tiffany D. Jackson, Nic Stone, Angie Thomas, Ashley Woodfolk, and Nicola Yoon. 

This teen novel is set within a short time frame, less than half a day on a winter day in Atlanta. Each character is written by a different author, and we get backstory through the plot. The two characters at the center of the plot are Stevie and Sola, two teens in a romance that has hit a rough spot. Sola had a plan to reveal their relationship to her family at a special dinner. They had been best friends for a while, and then something more, but Sola hadn't revealed her romantic relationship to her traditional family. While Stevie defies a punishment to step outside her comfort zone and make a grand gesture to try to win Sola's forgiveness and mend their relationship, the weather is not cooperating. 

Atlanta is being hit by a wicked snowstorm, causing traffic chaos, delays for those travelling, and logistical problems. But Stevie has a team of friends ready to step in and help, and those other voices have their stories as well. 

There are many romances here, both straight and gay, and love is the overarching theme of the story. Friendship love, family love, and romantic love all show up. 

Other characters voiced here include Kaz, a young immigrant from Somalia with feelings for his best friend Porsha; Evan-Rose coming home from boarding school with her girlfriend Savanna and encountering a friend in a surprising meet-up; Jordyn driving home from college and giving a ride to fellow student Omari; Jimi, who is hoping for a big break in her musical career and runs into a guy from the past; and Ava and Mason, two volunteers at the aquarium who also have a rift in their relationship. Their voices are interspersed with chat exchanges and news bulletins, and I got schooled in some conversational style that was new to me. 

Besides the voiced characters we see many others from family members to friends, and see a curiously reappearing driver that may bring a little magic of his own. 

A feel-good story.

Dusk in the Frog Pond

Finished December 20

Dusk in the Frog Pond and Other Stories by Rummana Chowdhury

I won this book from 49th shelf and have taken my time savouring the stories contained in it. It's a nice slim book, perfect for my purse, and thus a good book to be able to pull out and read in short bursts when I'm waiting for something. The stories are set in Bangladesh, the United States, and Canada, following the lives of various women as they encounter upsets, small and large, in their daily lives. These women are wives and mothers and they face difficulties ranging from adjusting to a new culture or a new home, dealing with husbands whose work takes them away from home, having children or not, or facing infidelity and loss.

These stories have kindness and love, violence and grief, and in all of them women make choices, choices that change their lives, that disrupt and heal. I really enjoyed them and reread several to savour the writing. 

Things We Do in the Dark

Finished December 18

Things We Do in the Dark by Jennifer Hillier

This novel has a touch of suspense and a lot of delving into the past. In Seattle, Paris Peralta comes home early from a yoga conference. Paris has been married only a few years to the much older Jimmy Peralta, a comedian and actor. Their unlikely relationship is based on real liking for each other and respect. So when she comes in to find him dead in the bathtub, she is shocked, dismayed, and in disbelief. As she tries to save him, even though she knows he is beyond saving, she knocks herself out and thus finds herself waking to screams, police, and an accusation of murder.

In Toronto, Drew Malcolm is upset to learn that convicted murderer Ruby Reyes is being released on parole. It isn't the murder that bothers him as much as the way she is being depicted as a MeToo victim when he knows better. Years before, he was fascinated by the story and it is part of what led him to a career in journalism. He knows does a podcast on criminal cases. He also got to know Ruby's daughter Joelle, and was her roommate for a while, and knows that Ruby was also convicted of child abuse in her treatment of Joelle. That is something that he can't forgive her for and thus why he has a personal stake in the case. When Joelle died in a house fire shortly after Drew confronted her about her life choices, it created both a feeling of guilt in him and one of unresolved issues between them that can never to dealt with. He resolves to make it his mission to paint a picture of Ruby for the public that shows her true colours. 

As these two stories gradually come together, we get a clearer picture of Paris, of Ruby and her daughter Joelle, and of the way that the press influences news stories. We also see more deeply into the foster care system, into the lives of those struggling to afford a place to live and a better future, and into those who can't let go of past relationships. 

A fascinating read with characters that truly come alive to the reader. 

We gradually learn that Paris has a hidden past, one that she definitely doesn't want to come out. The novel jumps back in time to one years before.