The Summer of Sunshine and Margot

Finished April 4
The Summer of Sunshine and Margot by Susan Mallery

This novel takes place over a few months. Margot and Sunshine are fraternal twin sisters, raised by a grandmother, who has since passed away. Margot has gone to college and used her people skills and her love of travel to become an etiquette coach. She is particularly good at helping people adjust to new cultural situations. She has just been hired by Bianca, an older actress, well-known for her spontaneous and inappropriate behaviour that is engaged to a diplomat from a small European country. Bianca wants to make this relationship work. Meanwhile, she is living with her son Alec, an academic with an interest in history who has made a home of an historic monastery. Bianca wants Margot to live in while she coaches her.
Margot finds the monastery fascinating and uses her off time to explore the building and the grounds. She also becomes friendly with Alec.
While successful, Margot has a weak spot for her old boyfriend, a man who has dumped her repeatedly, but keeps coming back expecting to resume where he left off. Margot is determined that he won't be in her life again, but with a family history of women making bad relationship choices, she isn't hopeful for a better relationship.
Sunshine didn't go to college, finding herself easily diverted from her goals by the interesting men she's met along the way. She's had a spotty career as a nanny, making great connections with the children, but often leaving everyone in the lurch when someone attracts her interest. She too, is determined to stay the course in her new position as nanny to eight-year-old Connor. She's also determined to get her college degree, signing up for her first course. Connor's father Declan is worried about his son as the two recover from the relatively sudden death of Connor's mother from cancer. He has a busy career as a landscape architect, and needs some stability in his son's life. Sunshine and Declan prove to be sounding boards for each other as they each move forward in their lives.
This was a fun read, and I liked the relationship between the sisters, which was close without being cloying.

There Is No Good Card For This

Finished May 7
There Is No Good Card For This: What to Say and Do When Life is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love by Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell, illustrated by Emily McDowell

I was attracted to this book partly because I love Emily McDowell's line of Empathy Cards, and partly because scary, awful, and unfair things are happening to people I love and I always struggle trying to find a way to show I care and am glad to do what I can to help, but don't really know what to say or do. This book does help.
The book has three sections: Laying Some Groundwork; The Three Touchstones of Showing Up; and Just Help Me Not Be a Disaster.
They start with the acknowledgement that we all know empathy and compassion are good things and that we want to be helpful friends, but that we are not perfect and we're never going to be. It is important to start with your own mindset. Aligning your actions with your intentions puts you in a better place, making you more able to reach out. They share their own stories of bad things that happened, and things that people said and did, from both sides: the person bad things happened to, and the person who wanted to help people bad things happened to. This insight and the research they've put into this help with the core message in this book which is trust. They look at what the barriers are for us in doing the right thing, and explore how to surmount them.
The three touchstones of part two are kindness, listening, and small gestures. They use examples of what to do and say, and what not to do and say, and show why we often mix them up. Sometimes it is about trying to connect when we should be just listening. Sometimes it is about showing kindness and not worrying about finding the "perfect" thing to say or do. The show the difference between compassion and pity and why it is so important not to go to pity. They also emphasize that even if you have been through something similar, this is not you, and they won't feel exactly the same way that you do, so don't assume they will. This means never using that line "I know how you feel," in any of its disguises. You don't. Instead, listen to them, but don't press them to talk if they aren't ready or willing to. Just show that you are there willing to listen if and when they are ready. Don't obligate them to respond to you if they aren't ready. Make sure they know that. For all of these three things in part two, they give good examples and show situations with possible actions.
The third part goes into more detail about what we might say, and why not to, and suggests things to say instead. They give some cheat sheets for different situations. Remember that it isn't about you. It's about them.
A great book, and so useful.

Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Finished February 17
Rude Bitches Make Me Tired: Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette Dilemmas by Celia Rivenbark

This book tackles etiquette from a real world point of view. Separated into topics such as visiting, office manners, and check splitting, Rivenbark went out and asked people what etiquette issues bothered them the most and found that she wasn't alone in some of her pet peeves.
She addresses real world situations with humour and insight and provides real solutions with a dose of common sense. I've been in a lot of the situations she refers to and find them just as annoying as she does. The slide into self centered behaviour is something many of us bemoan, but few address.
This book may provide you with some useful strategies, and entertain you as well.
A good read.